For the past 5 to 6 weeks I have been suffering with really bad insomnia (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Insomnia/Pages/Introduction.aspx info about it here…) I’ve suffered from it for years on and off but normally it seems to go away on its own. This time it has stayed with me for a course of weeks on end. I have no idea what has caused it and have looked into likely reasons for it and also ways to try to get rid of it but nothing seems to be working at the moment. I don’t want to go down the medication route as I have done that before, while effective for short periods of time, medication doesn’t seem to work and I hate the idea of relying on medicine long-term. It leaves me feeling groggy and unable to concentrate (not good when you need to drive places and do things), affects my motivation levels (which, ok, are affected by lack of sleep but not as much) and generally leaves me feeling a bit useless.
Last night was probably the worst I have been for a while (maybe 2 weeks) where it felt like I was lying there for hours but when I checked the time it had merely been a matter of minutes, I couldn’t get comfortable and seemed to be moving around every 5 seconds although I believe this was more out of frustration than anything else, I was too hot then too cold even thought the room temperature was at a fixed constant, then my mind started playing tricks – was that movement in the shadows I saw? , did I just hear something?
Even worse are the thoughts I allowed my mind to have… Is it just me awake now? I bet it is. Is the darkness closing in around me? How long has it been now? Why am I the only person that can’t get to sleep? Am I really tired? I wonder what I could be doing instead? And then there is the emotional thing of feeling so lonely when there is only you awake…
So, while all this crap was going on in my head and I was tossing and turning and checking the clock for the bazillionth time I had a thought about making this into a project of sorts. Next time I can’t sleep (and I dare say it will be soon) I am going to get my camera out and start documenting it and see what I can come up with. Lets start using this ‘illness?’, ‘incapability?’, ‘sleep failure?’, whatever term you use for it into something that could be quite interesting.